It's been two years today since my friend Mat died and I just need to talk, about alot of stuff. So its not going to be an intresting Journal entrie and really not worth reading unless you klnow me personaly. : D

Anyways it's been two years, two long but somehow fast years since I last saw him. I haven't been out to his grave since the day he was put six feet under. I want to but I just can't make myself go, I'm always giving reason's to why I can't go and so on. But really I think I'm scared. I know he's gone but going to vist his grave... Well it scares me to go do that and I have no clue when I'll be able to work though that fear.

I remember this day, it was a normal day my math teacher sat on his desk and read to us that some kid named Mat died. It went though one ear and out the other. I was perfectly fine since it didn't hit me. I didn't know it was my friend that had died. Then at lunch some friends found me and they were crying, and I couldn't figure out why. Then they told me and I balled. A very bad day. Last year I was sad but I didn't really stop to think about it. I didn't let myself think about it and well this year I am. I've been thinking about that day.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not sad, well maybe a little but not alot. I just have a slightly damped mood toady but I laughed in social and joked around. Had fun even with my mind going though things. As said about I have yet to go to his grave though I would very much like too. I can see it though, walking up, stopping and turning around and walking away. Thats sooo what I would do. XD

Other then Mat I've been thinking about other relationships I have and relize I may be friends with alot of people but thats all. They don't really know me and really that saddens me. I've been thinking about old friendships that are gone though I would like to start them up again but it's too soon. To soon to get in touch face to face, not ready yet but a text every now and again takes care of that want. Even if it's not often.

With that off my heart I can fully say I'm enjoying my classes. I love Art History and can't wait to start up at College full time. I think I'm gonna do very, very good in college. : D